Weight Loss Journey 1: Focused and Philosophical

woman-506120_1920**This post first appeared on SparkPeople on June 9, 2009**

It’s been a few days since I’ve written a blog post so I thought it was time. First, I want to say that my progress is going really well. I’m really excited that I’ve got positive, uplifting people in my life who are cheering me on and applauding my efforts. The support on this site, too, is incredibly encouraging and helpful. Most importantly, though, I’m really proud of myself for staying committed, working through the rough patches (although, admittedly, there have been few), and cheering myself on instead of tearing myself down for waiting so long to do this. There are two women at work I’m quite close to; just about every day I’ve asked them if they’d like to walk with me; neither have said yes yet. Regardless, I’m taking steps (literally) toward a healthier version of me, and if no one wants to come along for the ride, that’s fine by me. There may have been a point in my life where that might have bothered me, or I might have felt like I shouldn’t walk because no one else went with me. No more. I’m going to achieve my goals whether people are cheering me on or not, because I’m worth it. I’ve wasted far too many precious moments of my life telling myself what I’m not, what I lack, what mistakes I’ve made along the way. Now, I choose to tell myself how awesome I am, what I can achieve, what I’m becoming, and I know that I’m equipped to handle anything that comes my way.

Truthfully, I think it’s taken me so long to really get committed to my health because I didn’t think I was worth the effort. But I have grown to a place in which I will no longer settle for mediocrity, excuses, or unfulfilled potential. I no longer beat myself up if I make a mistake. I’m not perfect–no one is, and that’s okay–and since I’ve given up that battle life has gotten easier. Yes, habits are formed by the decisions we choose to make each day. However, if you beat yourself up over that one mistake you made yesterday, you’re repeating your mistake over and over again, instead of thanking God for another day and another opportunity to turn it all around. I’ve learned to tell myself over and over again how far I’ve come (of course, I still have a long way to go, but the hardest part is getting started, right?) instead of how I’ve messed up along the way. Because ultimately, it’s things you overcome that teach you the most about what you can accomplish, not the things that you allow to get the best of you.

So what am I working on right now? Well, we only get to live life one day at a time. Thank God! I’ve learned that trying to live the next week/month/season/year/decade all at one time is overwhelming, but I take advantage of the time that I have right NOW, and make it productive and rewarding. I don’t have the same crazy excited level of energy I did when I first started out. That’s fine, it would be impossible to maintain and eventually I would come crashing down. The challenge I’m facing is to give myself time to let the changes take place. I didn’t gain this weight in a week, so I’m not going to lose it in a week, either. And although my energy level is still high, and I want results NOW, I know it’s unrealistic to expect to look on the outside what I picture myself looking on the inside. I’m still picturing the me I want to be–no, the me I am becoming–to stay fixated on the end result. Focusing on that helps me to make the day-to-day decisions that will make that picture become a reality. It just won’t happen overnight.

Tuesday is my weigh-in and measure day. And while I’m weighing myself in between Tuesdays (just to check in), that weight doesn’t “count” in how I’m tracking my progress. In a year (or less), when I’m at the weight and fitness level where I want to be, it’s not going to matter that all the weight didn’t come off in the first two weeks. I know there will be times when the weight will just fall off (which I am speaking into existence) and there will be times when it’s a bit more stubborn. There will be times when the numbers will drop like a rock and times when it kind of hovers in the same area. There will be times when all my clothes will feel too big and times when I feel a little, uh, puffy. The point is, I won’t let these small changes deter me from the desired result.

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So what is the desired result? I have learned that this must be very clear in my mind so that it can be achieved. What is it that I want? What is it that I don’t want? Why is this so important to me? Why is it worth all this effort?

 

I don’t want:
To be the fat girl in all the pictures
To think “If only I was thinner”
To have health problems at a young age
To get stuck in a seat on an airplane, a roller coaster, or at a concert
To be the one that slows down a big group
To be the one that everyone feels a little bit sorry for during an athletic activity
For my family to think I’m lazy or sloppy
To let my thoughts OR my body hold me back from experiencing life
To feel like I have to hide
To compare myself to others or to feel like I have to “measure up” to a certain standard
To let myself down
To believe the lie–I AM important, I AM special, and I AM worthy of success!

I want:
To feel good about what I’ve accomplished
To feel beautiful
To believe others when they tell me I’m beautiful
Others to notice what a change has happened in me
To be able to cross my legs under a table
To be able to shop at any store I want and not worry whether they carry “big-girl” sizes
To look good naked
To wear a bathing suit in public without feeling self-conscious
To feel healthy, confident, and strong
To be able to run around with my kids when I have them
To go skydiving (there’s a weight limit, my brothers have checked it out)
For people to say, “Wow! You look better than you did in high school/college!”
For guys to check me out in the mall every now and then 
To astound others with my endless energy and positivity
To be able to walk with my head held high and know that I can achieve anything I set my mind to achieve 


Because:
I deserve to be healthy
It’s important to me to take care of my body–I only get this one for my whole life!
I want to live a long, healthy, and productive life
I feel powerful when I work out
My future husband deserves a hot wife
My future children deserve to enjoy fun stuff with their mother
Other people watch what I do, and can be motivated by my success
I want people to respect the hard work I put into bettering myself
I am an overcomer, and I refuse to let obstacles keep me from becoming what I was meant to be
If I don’t do it now, then when??? The circumstances will never be perfect 

Tomorrow I get to take some more measurements and weigh in. I know that these are just numbers, and that they do not measure my value as a person, only the size of my vessel. The things that I have control over I will take control over, and let God handle the rest.

Best wishes to all on your journey. Be good to yourself! And love yourself no matter what! 

Thought of the Day: “An individual has no limitations except those set up and accepted by an individual in his own mind.” ~ Napoleon Hill

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Inquiring minds want to know: What is all this business about Weight Loss Journey 1 and Weight Loss Journey 2?

Weight Loss Journey 1: I lost 75 pounds from 2009-2011; I’m reposting the blog posts I wrote on Sparkpeople during that time

Weight Loss Journey 2: I have gained back the majority of the weight I lost and have been on a quest since July 2015 to lose the weight again.

Sorry about the timing of the posts, I know that’s probably confusing. But they are only appearing at the same time because I didn’t start my blog earlier. It may be helpful to read the posts by category if you want to catch up. Enjoy!

About bridget

I was born and raised in upstate New York, where my parents still live, before escaping the cold weather to settle in North Carolina in 2008.
I am a Gemini, a middle child, a dreamer, a lover, an optimist, and a Social Worker. I have a cheesy sense of humor, a belief that all people are basically good, and a desire to improve the world around me.
I live in NC with my husband and our dog.

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